Today, the first day after I had left my hostel. I don’t feel good. I miss my hostel as well as college. You know, on the day of our farewell, many of my friends cried but I didn’t. Then, on the hostel farewell, too– my friends were crying, but I didn’t. My heart was heavy, hence my eyes challenged to brim with tears, too. Yea! I didn’t cry. I was feeling so nostalgic about why I was not crying even when I was so sad. So, I consoled them and waited for my upcoming days to unburden my heart and mind for missing what I had been through all these 4 years of my college life.
Hastily, time passed and my last day at hostel came. Somehow, I woke up around seven in the morning which was quite unusual as we had slept around 3 am on the night before. And in my entire hostel life I have never woke up at that early hour excluding exam times and I haven’t ever tried to do the same. For aspiring Indian Engineers like me, exams are one night show. I stood from my bed and withdrew the curtains from big-three-joined-together windows of my room. My room’s windows are seriously one of the best amenities– that a hostel room has been provided with— available for a not-so-comfortable stay we had there for valuable four years. Peeking out through that small window was always awesome and whenever it rained, my god, it’s exactly a heaven as the cold breeze ventilated our room so properly, still with a dirty tone. For the very last time, I looked outside through that window. My heart stiffened. Sun had just risen up. I felt relieved, though I knew how it’s turning out to be after a couple of hours after all it’s peak summer month in city like Delhi. I stood there for some more time. People were having their morning walks, talking to each other, and enjoying the soothing meek sun rays falling on them. I sensed that the coolness of breeze conveyed a little more emotional attachment with what I had been through at that moment. It had rained last night.
After few minutes of enjoying weather, along with adamant expression of breeze, tears kissed my cheeks for the first time in this memorable month— maybe the worst one ever in my life. Suddenly, I couldn’t control the feelings I had inside and it ended up shedding of tears. I started crying like a three or four-year old child. Pragya, my junior as well as the one who stayed next to my room, sleeping with my roommate on bed, woke up and squinted towards me. I sat beside her. I continued crying. Yes, we three shared the same room for the past few weeks although only two persons are allowed stay together as per hostel policies; but we did so with a trifling reason of using one cooler together and its high hostel fee. However, we kept it as a secret from our Hitler warden. Her eyes were wet, too. We already have made a special bond in between us within ten months. She calls me “mommy”, I don’t know why, maybe because of my habit of giving advises and telling who should do what and when. I gazed at her and reel of thousands of memories of togetherness– with tea in winters, our late night talks, preparing dinner together and a lot more– ran through my mind. My wailing increased. She groaned, “Mommyyy… Can’t you stay for one more day.. Please..”. I thought on it but my dad was all set to come that afternoon. I couldn’t change my plan on the last moment. “I can’t.. Pragya..” And I continued crying.
“Viditi, please thodi der mei royei.. Bhut needh aa rahi h abhi… Pakka tujhe sambhalugi phir..”
“Viditi, Can we cry later? I feel so sleepy right now and I promise to comfort you then”
My childish roommate, Gargi, said. She said it with so much innocence and purity in emotions for her love to sleep at anytime. Pragya and I laughed for her required feedback. She realised what she had just said and she laughed too. I observed her face while sleeping and felt happy, I don’t know why, but I felt happy. Maybe because of the contented smile and satisfaction she carries for her life. Maybe because she lived in the present moment which asked her to sleep, unlike me who was crying for what I’m going to miss, my past. I ran my hand on her forehead and she smiled innocently.
“Let’s sleep, Pragya”, again as a mommy I directed her to join Gargi in her sleep along with me. And we three slept accepting the present moment and not worrying about what would hit us after a few hours.