I recollect an incident of this New Year where I was excited to celebrate it with my acquaintances. They readily agreed. But slowly, as the day came, the day on which we had decided to celebrate, there was a minor reluctance in their eyes. I felt so bad. I, so badly, wanted a change. While we’re leaving I had a heated argument with my other friend. I expected her to say something, but she moved forward, leaving us two arguing. I felt so alone. She had no more belonged to me. I was so silly to realize it. I compelled her staying with me, but she could never do. I was so stupid to realize it then also. She was getting disappear from our casual CCD outing, our crazy shopping, our nagging naps…… She vanished and appeared when she had no one other than me. I have moved around to be her “time-thing”.
On a very fine day, not very old, I finally realized it; I have abandoned our friendship. I vanished as well. I don’t want to burden her bonds. It’s not like she’s wrong. But I thought, I have been so unsuccessful to understand her behavior. The reason, I suppose, is that we have outgrown each other. Maybe my thinking and my decision is wrong but for now, it’s making me feel a little strange as well. I felt happiness in biding her “Goodbye” though I still consider her as my friend, but the difference is I expect “nothing” from her as a friend of mine; I’m not estimating her a friend of mine from what she was to what she is either. It would be so strange that I will never listen to her, in that way, anymore; I will never turn childish to her now; I will never force her to stay with me; I will never ask her to go out with me, we’re expected to be friends. If she is happy being without me, then why should I follow her through my silliness? If she couldn’t understand me, then how can we talk or at least give a worth smile at each other whenever we see? Nevertheless, we’re still friends. Maybe, we’ve certain barriers to be rooted for our friendship. Nowadays, we’re just “Expected friends” for ourselves, aren’t we?